Monday, November 3, 2008

That's Just The Way I Am!

Today I noticed something (noticed, but not for the first time. More like the five hundred and seventy-sixth time {and that's just a randomly-generated number} ) about all the guys who are part of my team at work, including my manager. They are always on the lookout for an opportunity to pull my leg about anything and everything. And they tend to believe that, whenever I open my mouth, it is to pull theirs. They all know that I tend to be a little too straightforward about stuff. Sometimes it comes out in a seemingly rude way, but those who know me well can tell that I don't mean to hurt them. There are times when I've been rude to one or more of my friends, just because I was upset about something, not because of anything they said or did. Whenever I've realized that I've done something like that, I've made it a point to apologize immediately.

I was just thinking about one of my random questions. The one about not being a girly sort of girl. Or at least not appearing so on the outside. Bhatti has actually pointed out the most apparent reason for this. I am a bit of what he describes me to be in his comment on that post. There are not too many guys whom I've met more than once who have not been the target of a punch or two from me, or at least a threat for one. Another friend of mine pointed out, in a different sort of context, before I wrote that post, that I am less reluctant than most girls to express what I actually think of someone. I'm actually adding some of my own thoughts to what he pointed out. I don't hesitate to tell someone that I like them, or that I simply cannot stand them. People may or may not like that. They may or may not like me for it. But I really like myself for that.

You know what? A few months back, I was really insecure about this whole thing about guys not seeing me as a feminine lady. As a matter of fact, there was this one evening when I wept uncontrollably over this and a couple of other insecurities that I have not shared with my blog readers. But I've learnt that life is too short to be unhappy or insecure about yourself. You've got to live it up, every chance you get. And how does it matter what other people think of you? As long as you know what you really are, and like yourself for it, who cares? The instant you are comfortable with yourself, you will be comfortable with everyone and everything around you.

An old friend of mine says this about me: "She's like a caramel chocolate - hard outside, soft inside." (Compelled by habit, I corrected the punctuation here. Nothing else.) The only people I really care about are the friends and family members who can see that soft caramel filling. Those who see just the hard shell outside may choose to form whatever perception they wish. I don't mind. It's a free country. You are entitled to your freedom of thought, speech and expression. And guess what? No matter what I do or who I am, there is absolutely no way I can please everyone on the face of the Earth.

Life is way too precious to waste worrying about what the world perceives you to be. Spend it doing stuff that makes you happy instead. In recent times, I've discovered that just two days out of seven are too few to connect with friends. To blog. To do whatever makes you happy. The more stuff you do for the sole reason that you want to do it, the closer you are to being exactly who you were meant to be.


amitbhatnagar said...

"Sometimes it comes out in a seemingly rude way, but those who know me well can tell that I don't mean to hurt them."
Yahi to prob hai.. Some ppl assume that their frns will know when they're not supposed to get hurt.. And under this assumption, continue their rude behavior proudly.. :-|

Bhavya said...

Ye mujhpe ungli uthaai jaa rahi hai? Because I don't do that. When I get the slightest hint that somebody might be hurt, I try to stop myself from saying any such stuff and apologize for whatever has already been said.