I'm a pretty confused woman. Two months back, I thought I was quite settled, career wise, and old enough and mature enough to seriously consider the prospect of marriage. This week I've been thinking I've wasted the last five and a half years (three years of MCA and two and a half years at my current job) doing something I really couldn't care less for. I'm not settled in my career. I don't even have a real career. I want to give up my current job and take up what I really love doing. I want to write. I have been looking around for a Mass Communication/Creative Writing course for the last few days but I did not find something that suits my temperament as well as my budget. Well, actually, I don't think I really need a degree in this field. But the thing is, I don't have what it takes to just give up my job and sit around and write. I just realized, this week, that this was the reason why I wanted to marry someone who was settled in another city. So that I would have to give up my current job. And then I could write, instead of hunting for another software job. Last year, when the subject of marriage came up in my house, I told my mother that I wasn't too keen on marrying someone who intended to settle abroad. Eight months later, things were completely metamorphosed. I was more keen on the guys who were settled or planning to settle abroad or at least outside Delhi. For all the wrong reasons.
These are the only two ways I see which can give me the courage to take the big plunge that I have been contemplating for so long. But here's the thing. This is not the right reason to get married. And I don't think I really need a degree. Plus, I haven't been able to find a programme that I like.
I was also confused about whether this post should go on my public blog or the private one. As it happens, in the last one week, I have been sharing things more openly with other people than before and I thought putting this on my public blog was in order.
Another extended weekend coming up. Hopefully I will be able to work a little on the vague idea I have in mind for a book. Don't ask me what that idea is about. I'm not planning to share that just yet!
PS: You know what? When I got back from Tanu's engagement today, I was feeling a little tired and I thought I would blog after a little nap. But there was this restlessness which did not allow me to sleep. So I decided to blog anyway. And guess what? I am feeling so refreshed and so much less tired!