Sunday, October 19, 2008

Me And My Confusion

I'm a pretty confused woman. Two months back, I thought I was quite settled, career wise, and old enough and mature enough to seriously consider the prospect of marriage. This week I've been thinking I've wasted the last five and a half years (three years of MCA and two and a half years at my current job) doing something I really couldn't care less for. I'm not settled in my career. I don't even have a real career. I want to give up my current job and take up what I really love doing. I want to write. I have been looking around for a Mass Communication/Creative Writing course for the last few days but I did not find something that suits my temperament as well as my budget. Well, actually, I don't think I really need a degree in this field. But the thing is, I don't have what it takes to just give up my job and sit around and write. I just realized, this week, that this was the reason why I wanted to marry someone who was settled in another city. So that I would have to give up my current job. And then I could write, instead of hunting for another software job. Last year, when the subject of marriage came up in my house, I told my mother that I wasn't too keen on marrying someone who intended to settle abroad. Eight months later, things were completely metamorphosed. I was more keen on the guys who were settled or planning to settle abroad or at least outside Delhi. For all the wrong reasons.

These are the only two ways I see which can give me the courage to take the big plunge that I have been contemplating for so long. But here's the thing. This is not the right reason to get married. And I don't think I really need a degree. Plus, I haven't been able to find a programme that I like.

I was also confused about whether this post should go on my public blog or the private one. As it happens, in the last one week, I have been sharing things more openly with other people than before and I thought putting this on my public blog was in order.

Another extended weekend coming up. Hopefully I will be able to work a little on the vague idea I have in mind for a book. Don't ask me what that idea is about. I'm not planning to share that just yet!

PS: You know what? When I got back from Tanu's engagement today, I was feeling a little tired and I thought I would blog after a little nap. But there was this restlessness which did not allow me to sleep. So I decided to blog anyway. And guess what? I am feeling so refreshed and so much less tired!

11 comments:

Akash said...

So you finally agree that women are always confused...

BTW, aajkal tujhe ho kya gaya hai bahut sach bolne lagi hai :P

Bhavya said...

What do you mean finally? I agreed to this on Friday also dude.
Aur main hamesha sach hi bolti thi, bas aajkal thodi zyaada bold ho gayi hoon :)

amitbhatnagar said...

Marrying someone, who is outside Delhi, just to make sure that u have to leave ur job and start a writing career!!
Wow!! Kitne well-defined plans hain!! :-o

Bhavya said...

Theek hai Bhatti, udaa lo mazaak.
Dekh rahe ho Mr Ashish Chopra, maine kaha tha na, there is no generosity involved in letting women be confused! Isko generous kehte ho aap???

actinium said...

na toh akash ne mazak udaya hai na hi bhatti ne..! den vats d issue?!

Bhavya said...

khoob acche se sarcastic waali tone mein mazaak udaaya hai Bhatii ne mera!

amitbhatnagar said...

Na, na... Majaak nahin udaya.. ELse the smiley would have been ":D" instead of ":-o"
The comment was an expression of surprise..

Akash said...

Kya Bhavya, tujhe itna bhi samajh nahi aata i kab tera mazaak udaya jaa raha hai aur kab nahi...

Bhavya said...

sab samajh aata hai sir... mazaak hi udaaya jaa raha tha mera!

actinium said...

height of insecurity!! tch-tch...!

Bhavya said...

haan theek hai, so I'm insecure about myself. What bothers you?