More on The Idiosyncrasies of Romance

Does there exist a "perfect person" for each of us? There was a sitcom I used to watch as a teenager in which two friends had a conversation about there being a perfect person for each of us. So this guy asked his friend, "There's one perfect girl for me? What if she lives in Helsinki? Then I'll never meet her."

And so it continues. What, really, is perfect? And how do you find that one person? Or rather, when you do find that person, how do you know that he or she is the one? Our hearts are unreasonable, whimsical. Our minds are logical, practical. The two of them hardly ever agree on anything. I mean, there might be someone I know well, get along with beautifully, and totally love spending time with. What's missing? That tingling feeling in my heart. When I think about it, that might actually be a good thing. Because that tingle actually gives me cold feet. Inhibits me from being as open with that person as I would like to be. So, when I think about it, such a person may actually be my soul mate. But then again, this is a matter of the heart. You can't actually think about it and decide what to do here.

So what do you do? More often than not, you go after the person who gives you that tingling sensation. Without realizing that this sensation is one of the most evanescent sensations one can experience. It's there today, gone tomorrow. What you will then be left with, is the stuff that your brain always knew about... how well the two of you get along, how much you enjoy each other's company, how much you understand each other, how much you like talking to each other. That's what really counts. That's what makes all the difference between couples who break up after a few months and those who grow old with each other.

But here's the problem. In these matters, most of us tend to silence our brain and go with the fleeting, momentary musings arising in our hearts. Even after realizing that the fleeting moment has passed, we try to ignore that realization. To not admit that whatever we had has disappeared.

There's another big problem here. A new person you meet only briefly will usually not stir up your grey cells. If that person is attractive in ways in which you deem people to be attractive, they may just set your heart aflutter.

Finding soul mates is a tough job. Most of us have to make a bunch of mistakes, learn from them, move on, and start looking again. There are, of course, some lucky people who get it right the first time. But for most of us it's a lot of trial and error, disappointment and heartbreak. But you know, the mistakes might actually be a good thing. They'll help us appreciate it more when we finally get it right.