Family - The Ties That Bind... And Gag!

Due apologies to Erma Bombeck for the outright plagiarism of this title, but it's an absolutely wonderful title that I've loved ever since I first read an extract from this book, close to fifteen years ago.


This post is not about Erma or her book. It is about the whole idea of a family - the immediate family, and the extended family. It is about the people I love and hate at the same time, the people I can't live with, and I can't live without either. These are the people we've known for the longest time (true for most of us, I guess) and hence often tend to take for granted. I, for one, tend to take everything my mom does around the house for granted. And everything that my brother doesn't do. And everything that I do or do not do, for that matter. But everyone in the house has a fixed behavioral pattern that everyone else knows and is used to, and which helps maintain an atmosphere of predictability which we are comfortable with, even if it involves hurling rude remarks at each other. I always know that my mom and bro will make snide remarks at certain outfits of mine each time I put them on. Sometimes I feel that my mom thinks of what comment to throw in my face as she waits for me to come home in the evening so that she can belt it out the instant she opens the door for me. But I also know that she puts a lot more thought into thinking what to make for dinner that everybody in the family likes. In our house, that's a Herculean task. And then there was the time I got my bro two kurtas for his birthday. They were the kind that certain other guys I know would declare annoyingly bright coloured and refuse to even look at. But I knew this guy would like them. When I returned from that shopping trip, he wasn't home. My excitement was a little dampened by that fact. I went to take a bath. He returned in the meantime. And he was excitedly waiting for me to come out of the bath so he could say "many thanks!". In his own peculiar way, he makes me feel valued.

And then there is the extended family. The people I see only at the occasional family gathering, a wedding, or perhaps a significant birthday or anniversary. A gathering where everybody's all dressed up, and talking in Punjabi or Haryanvi, depending on which side of the family we're talking about, where there are a lot of cousins and aunts and uncles and grand aunts and grand uncles, some of whom I am pretty close to, and some of whom I have to make an effort to remember. These are the people who make me see the bigger picture, who make me realize how old I've grown, and how young I still am. But most importantly, they make me see where I belong. And everyone needs a sense of belonging. The secure, comfortable feeling of knowing that there are some people who've always been around and who will continue to be around for a pretty long time to come.

Whether I love them or hate them, these are the only people I can always count on to be there for me.