In The Lap of The Ganges

I know this is a little overdue, but I have to write about my most memorable trip ever. Possibly among the happiest three days I ever experienced. It was not my first white water experience, nor was it my first trip with my teammates. I'd actually been rafting over a subset of the same stretch of rapids with my team the previous year. Although, as a matter of fact, there were only four people other than myself who were part of both the trips.

So most of the people going rafting that weekend were from my team, except for a couple of Ashish's (Random observation: I think this is the first time I'm actually referring to one of my friends by name in my blog. So far I've only referred to people by description) childhood friends, and my friend Aarti, whom Ashish and Hemant also knew and asked me to invite along. Come along with us she did, as did another friend of hers.

The day we were supposed to leave for our camp from Noida started out with an almost torrential and completely unseasonal downpour. And that gave us some amazing weather. Aarti, her friend Deepa and I spent a large portion of that evening enjoying the lovely breeze out in the open, walking around and, well, since I'd seen Aarti after quite some time, so we were catching up with the latest in each other's lives. Oh, and that was the evening Ashish tried to ram his car into the three of us :P

So anyway, after a bit of delay, as is usual for a trip involving around twenty five people, we set out for Devprayag (I think that was the name of the place from where we started our rafting) amidst good weather and good cheer. After all, we were taking an extended weekend off from our drab routines to wash away our sins in the Ganges and have a lot of fun doing it! On the bus ride, there was a lot of singing, chattering, leg pulling. (Especially with Aman teasing Anuranjan and me endlessly. But I'm not really complaining here. Because I know I provoked all that!) There were only two or three people in the group whom I did not know prior to this trip, but there were, apparently, quite a few I was not well acquainted with. Who'd known me only from a distance or on a strictly professional, developer-quality engineer interaction level. So a bunch of people got to see the real me during that bus ride. Another thing about that bus ride. I normally cannot sleep while travelling. On our Dalhousie trip, we were travelling all night and everyone was asleep but I was awake for the most part of the night. Only after Rachita gave me a nice, relaxing forehead massage was I able to sleep for just under half an hour. But on this journey I had a little over a couple of hours of deep sleep. Apparently Ashish's singing was a lot more soothing than Rachita's massage.

So, anyway, after some digression from our route and a stopover for breakfast, we finally made it to our starting point for the day's rafting. On the banks, some of us helped pump up the air into the rafts. After they did a bit of pumping with all their might, we were told that those rafts were not ours and ours were already ready down at the riverbank. By the way, the unseasonal showers continued all the way and at the time of which I speak, it was drizzling. When we started our journey down the river, it was raining considerably and the shower continued all through the way that day. The first day's rapids were relatively mild, and not too exciting for those of us who had experienced rapids before, so the rain added the component of novelty that we needed there. Even so, we were quite thankful when the skies cleared up that evening and the next day came up all bright and sunshiny.

The evening was completely awesome. There is something that I did not find out about Anuranjan on any of the earlier trips. After he's had a couple of drinks, his sense of humour becomes absolutely legendary! He'll poke fun at anyone and everyone in that state, and everyone will have a good time. And the frequency with which he uses his favourite word - bhangi - will go up exponentially. There was a lot of interesting conversation centered around the origin and the meanings of this word, and what it takes to be a bhangi or to marry a bhangi. Then one of the guys at the camp did a little song in the local dialect for us, which set off a bit of discussion on love and heartbreak.

There was talk of going for a night trek after the campfire and dinner, but that was dropped in favour of going down to the beach (the riverside beach, that is) and counting shooting stars. Aman, Anuranjan and Gauri built a futuristic sand house for themselves, complete with a helipad and bean bags. And then there was the part where Aman made a mental map of our floor back in the office, iterated over every cubicle and cabin, and asked me for my opinion on every guy I knew. He claimed he was trying to judge my taste in guys so he could help me find one for myself. Meanwhile Mr Gaurishankar Kshirsagar was spotting shooting stars and counting away to glory. He wished a dozen wishes that evening and I doubt if any of them have come true so far. Alok tried really hard to match up to the number of stars that Gauri had spotted, but not to much avail. Oh, and those who were there on the beach that night will always remember that once Alok starts laughing, there's no stopping him!

On our second day there, there was a little trek to a waterfall, actually a series of three waterfalls. We had to climb up the lowest and smallest one of the three to go and shower under the second one. I don't think there were too many people in the group who could have done that without Aman and Sunny pulling us up, and Dahuja pushing from below. Now that was a lot of fun, an experience to remember.

That evening we did some miscellaneous activities in the camp. There was a bit of beach volleyball, a bit of rappelling (I think everyone remembers Meenal's experience there!!!) and throwing stones at an empty soft drink bottle (a plastic one). And we buried Ashish and Alok in the sand, turn by turn. Later in the evening it was back to the campfire, and Anuranjan and his alcohol. That night we decided to go down to the beach with our blankets and sleeping bags, and sleep on the sand. There were six of us who finally executed this plan, and I'm glad I was one of them. On the beach, we were back to wishing upon stars (Gauri saw another dozen that night), revealing secrets, and laughing at each other. And I think we all slept really peacefully that night.

The next day's rafting involved some interesting rapids, albeit a couple of overrated ones too (perhaps it was just that we passed over them when the water was a little low), but the ones we traversed after our lunch stopover were a lot of fun. And then there was the cliff jumping which I did not do, and which Aman did around half a dozen times, over and over again, until the guides started pointing out that we had to finish our stretch on the river before dark.

Even so, our departure for Noida was delayed by two or three hours. But well, every moment of this trip was worth it. But hang on, I have some memories from the return journey too. I'm sure neither Ashish nor I will ever forget the time when he asked me who, out of himself and Hemant, was a better singer. I will certainly not forget how jealous Ashish pretended to be at my answer! And I have been taunted about that little incident any number of times since then. But, all said and done, Ashish actually does sing really well. His singing is even better than Anuranjan's sense of humour (comparing apples and oranges, are we? But I guess people will get the drift.).

Those three days were legendary. But I'd been away from home for three days and I really wanted to go home and take a nice, warm bath, eat something my mom had cooked and sleep in my own bed. I called my mom when we stopped for tea that evening. Actually, Alok made me call her. I told her we'd reach Noida around one in the morning. She put her foot down at the idea of me driving home all by myself at that hour. I knew she was right, Delhi is not a very safe city. But I still wanted to go home. And quite possibly, I would have, if Ashish hadn't told me not to do so. In a slightly scolding manner. So I stayed over at Meenal's place that night. When we reached her place, we did not have the energy to do anything more than fall into bed and go to sleep immediately.

Does that conclude all I want to say about this trip? By no means. I could go on forever. Well, for a really long time at least. But while writing I try to stay concise and I have already gone way past my regular standards of being concise, so I'll just conclude here. Ashish, Alok and Hemant did a fantastic job organizing this trip. And Aman and Anuranjan did an equally fantastic job adding flavour to it.

Taking Stock

Turning a year older always terrifies me. I always tend to act overly emotional and do something stupid around my birthday. Never really figured out a logical reason for that. But there isn't supposed to be a logical reason for acting illogical, now, is there?

This year, thankfully, nothing particularly stupid. Felt more in control of my senses than ever before. Or so it seems to me, at least. Seems like I am gradually learning to rejoice the present for what it is, and to let go of my worries about the past or the future. To let go of the feeling that time is running out on me and I haven't done a lot of the stuff I really wanted to do. Like write a novel. Or take a few weeks off, go to a quiet place in the hills, and paint. Or find the perfect guy. There's a lot I could add to this list. And I know I will do most of this stuff some day. But the more important thing is, well, even if I don't, what's the point of panicking about it every so often?

I've changed a lot in the last one year. Not sure if it's for the better or the worse, but I see an apparent change. I feel more confident of myself and my actions, both on the professional and personal front. I feel less inhibited about talking to new people, people I hardly know or just met. This is actually a change that has come about over the last six or seven years, but it has become more apparent to me over the last year. And then there are the odd changes. I feel less inclined to talk to the people I know well. The people I've been with for years. That's something I find really odd and I really don't know why that is so. But I'm really happy to say that a whole bunch of my friends have been really understanding about this odd behaviour. That's the kind of people everyone needs to have in their lives. People who know you need them, even if or when you do not show it, or portray the exact opposite of it. People who make you feel special, wanted, needed. Like my college pals who tried their best to make me shop today when I seemed to show very little inclination towards doing so. Like one of my dearest friends who got up at 5:30 AM his time so he could wish me on my birthday at midnight according to Indian time. Like the other of my two dearest friends who's always encouraging me to pursue my creative interests... being a creative professional herself, she keeps reminding me of my creative streak and my need to exploit it. And then there are the people with whom I've been acquainted more recently, like the gals at work who encouraged me to start working out with them, although eventually they gave it up themselves and I held on. Like my cubicle neighbour who encouraged me to start blogging. Brilliant idea. It's worked wonders for my self-esteem. And my friend who gave me a discourse on relishing the present instead of moping about the past or the future. I want to say a genuine, heartfelt thank you to all these people and to everyone else who has touched my life in whatever way, small or big, for making me a better, stronger, happier person.

Aaj Jo Khushi Mili Hai...

Aaj jo khushi mili hai use jee bhar ke jee le
Kal jaane zindagi kya gham de jaaye
Aaj jo hai usme hi har khushi hai
Kal kya maloom, kismat tujhe kuch kam de jaaye

Koi Fariyaad...

Koi fariyaad is dil se nikalti hai
Us dil tak nahin pahunchti
Is dil ke toot jaane ke darr se
Ye zubaan bhi nahin khulti

Paas reh kar bhi
Ehsaas hai door hone ka
Jo ab tak apna hua hi nahin
Jaane kyon darr hai uske khone ka

Hot Chocolate Fudge For The Soul

I have a huge thing for chocolate truffle cake. And chocolate chip muffins. And chocolate chip cookies. Hot chocolate fudge. Chocolate ice-cream. And, well, for chocolate. When I'm feeling low, and all else fails, I splurge on something that contains cocoa. When I'm feeling good, I celebrate by splurging on cocoa again. Although I've kept these tendencies considerably under control over the last year and a half or so, they're still there.

Chocolate is actually good for you to a large extent. Dark chocolate, that is. It has significant antioxidant properties. And its consumption comes with a nice, pleasurable feeling for most people. It may also be good for the throat, helping prevent persistent coughing. Some people also suggest that it may have antidiarrhoeal effects.

But it's not all good, as we know. It comes loaded with calories, to varying degrees, depending on exactly what form you consume it in. It's also known to cause acne.

But to me, chocolate is just the greatest guilty pleasure. The greatest anti-depressant. The greatest companion when I feel all alone. Even if it means that I'll need to sweat it out in the gym all the more. Because sometimes I just need to indulge myself a little to forget about my worries for a while. To soothe heartache. Or sometimes, just because I feel like it. Eating too much of the sinful stuff may make me obese and give me blocked arteries, but, well, what an awesome way to live and what an awesome way to die that would be!

More on The Idiosyncrasies of Romance

Does there exist a "perfect person" for each of us? There was a sitcom I used to watch as a teenager in which two friends had a conversation about there being a perfect person for each of us. So this guy asked his friend, "There's one perfect girl for me? What if she lives in Helsinki? Then I'll never meet her."

And so it continues. What, really, is perfect? And how do you find that one person? Or rather, when you do find that person, how do you know that he or she is the one? Our hearts are unreasonable, whimsical. Our minds are logical, practical. The two of them hardly ever agree on anything. I mean, there might be someone I know well, get along with beautifully, and totally love spending time with. What's missing? That tingling feeling in my heart. When I think about it, that might actually be a good thing. Because that tingle actually gives me cold feet. Inhibits me from being as open with that person as I would like to be. So, when I think about it, such a person may actually be my soul mate. But then again, this is a matter of the heart. You can't actually think about it and decide what to do here.

So what do you do? More often than not, you go after the person who gives you that tingling sensation. Without realizing that this sensation is one of the most evanescent sensations one can experience. It's there today, gone tomorrow. What you will then be left with, is the stuff that your brain always knew about... how well the two of you get along, how much you enjoy each other's company, how much you understand each other, how much you like talking to each other. That's what really counts. That's what makes all the difference between couples who break up after a few months and those who grow old with each other.

But here's the problem. In these matters, most of us tend to silence our brain and go with the fleeting, momentary musings arising in our hearts. Even after realizing that the fleeting moment has passed, we try to ignore that realization. To not admit that whatever we had has disappeared.

There's another big problem here. A new person you meet only briefly will usually not stir up your grey cells. If that person is attractive in ways in which you deem people to be attractive, they may just set your heart aflutter.

Finding soul mates is a tough job. Most of us have to make a bunch of mistakes, learn from them, move on, and start looking again. There are, of course, some lucky people who get it right the first time. But for most of us it's a lot of trial and error, disappointment and heartbreak. But you know, the mistakes might actually be a good thing. They'll help us appreciate it more when we finally get it right.

Beautiful Inside

I'm strange
And you're strange
Don't want you to change
No way

This comes from a song called You're So True from the Shrek 2 soundtrack. I find these words really interesting. They somehow remind me of the message that the movie series carries. The message being that a person's (or ogre's, for that matter!!!) inner beauty is way more important than what appears on the surface. The external appearance is evanescent, it doesn't last. But what is inside is what really matters, what really decides how good a friendship or romantic relationship you can have with that person. A really idealistic message, I'd have to say. Because, you know, we do tend to form a basic impression about a new person we meet based on their appearance. It's only human. It would take a hypnosis of the Shallow Hal kind to make an average guy go out with a remarkably unattractive girl. And there are no feminist views being aired here, this is also true for girls going out with unattractive guys. I mean, I know that what I really want is a guy who's understanding and wants the same things in life as I do. Just needs to be reasonably okay looking so I can see his face everyday without being turned off. But I'll still tend to run after the attractive ones. (For my dear friends from my undergraduate days: I know that the guys I find attractive are also the ones you gals generally find weird; and vice-versa. Referring to the ones I find good-looking.) It takes a while to figure out that I was running after the wrong guy. That's a separate story really. I'll do another post some time about how I always run after the wrong guys.

So, coming back to the point of this post, why do appearances matter so much to us? Well, it's a bit of basic animal instinct. You know how a pea-hen will always want to mate with the most beautiful peacock she can lay her hands (claws, should that be?) on? Because she wants a good, beautiful, strong brood of tiny peacocks breaking out of the eggs that she lays. And that's the right thing for her to do, because a large part of the reason for her existence is, basically, procreation. That's what all animals do. They mate. They mate like bunnies (!!!). But that's not what we do, you know. We're humans. We're supposedly more intelligent than all the peacocks and rabbits and chimps and dolphins out there. We need a lot more than just the offspring from our mates. We need companionship, support, understanding, love, affection, and well... lots more probably. So our priorities are different. Shrek loved Fiona just as much when she looked like an ogre as he did when she was a beautiful princess. Because he knew that, inside, she was the same person. And that person was his soul mate. Someone who could tolerate all his idiosyncrasies and still get up early in the morning to find eggs for his breakfast. That's what we all need. Someone who knows how crazy we can be at times, but always remembers that at heart, we're nice. And knows just when and how to do something nice for us. Because, you know, just like Shrek and Fiona, we're all a little strange. And we need someone strange to appreciate us in all our strangeness.